The Shame No One Talks About: Living with PTSD After Witnessing a Suicide

I never thought I’d be the kind of person who had PTSD.

That always sounded like something other people went through. Soldiers. Abuse survivors. People with headlines in their pain.

But then I witnessed someone take their own life. And everything changed.

There was a before — a version of me who felt relatively safe in the world. Who could trust silence, sleep through the night, and not flinch at memories. But that moment split my life in two. What I saw didn’t just leave a scar. It left a story playing on repeat — one I couldn’t turn off.

The Shame That Followed Me

No one told me PTSD would come with shame.

I wasn’t just grieving or hurting — I was ashamed:

Ashamed of not “bouncing back.” Ashamed of crying all the time. Ashamed of being diagnosed with PTSD. Ashamed that it still affected me months (even years) later.

There’s this silent expectation that we’re meant to “be strong,” especially when we weren’t the one who died. And yet… I was never the same.

Shame whispered things like:

“You should’ve done more.”

“You’re overreacting.”

“It wasn’t even your trauma.”

But here’s the truth I’ve come to hold:

Witnessing trauma is trauma.

And surviving it doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.

PTSD Is Not a Character Flaw

Post-traumatic stress isn’t a defect. It’s a very normal response to something utterly abnormal.

Your nervous system doesn’t care about social expectations.

It just wants to keep you safe.

That might look like:

Startling easily Trouble sleeping Anxiety in “normal” situations Avoiding anything that reminds you of what happened

That’s not weakness. That’s biology.

And yet, society still shames invisible wounds. That’s the part we really need to change.

What I Wish You Knew If You’re Living With It Too

If you’re reading this and you’ve ever felt ashamed of your PTSD, I want you to know:

You didn’t choose this. You’re not weak. You don’t have to explain your trauma to deserve compassion. Healing is not linear — and it’s not something you owe anyone.

Your survival is not something to feel guilty for.

Your softness is not a failure.

Your symptoms are not a character flaw.

You are allowed to be changed. And you are allowed to heal.

My Healing Affirmation

If nothing else, I want you to take this with you:

“What happened hurt me deeply. But healing is not shameful — it’s sacred.”

Let’s stop apologizing for our trauma.

Let’s stop hiding our healing.

Let’s start reclaiming the space it takes to survive.

You’re still here. That’s a miracle.

With love and softness,

Lorraine ❤️